Carolyn's Journal

6:59pm: Probably everything about my day TOTALLY stressed/frustrated me... between work, converstaions with friends to accidentally abandoning my bf.. I know i'm awful!!!! I feel like total crap especially since he's being such a sweetheart about it all, I know we all think we have the best bf's in the world ... but I no longer thing it..I know it.. lol!! Then there was the a-hole who pulled an illegal U turn and almost ran into me which caused me to then smack a curb.. i'm lucky it didnt really damage my car but I have a chunk taken out of my hub cap.. needless to say I came home and took a loooong hot shower to try to have evereything melt away.. but I still feel like crap for forgetting about my bf. Especially after today telling a friend we should always thinking about our significant others when making decisions.. DUH!!! ugh i'm such a retard.. ne ways.. i'm going to go eat ice cream and hopefully the world will make sense again.. HAHA!

TTFN

P.S Ooooo way back playback time baby!!! 
P.P.S WTF is with their RETARDED font options.. A-holes!!!

5:30am: Longest Night EVER!!!!
Oh my god! I just had I swear the longest night of my life.. quicky update.. it was my cousins stagette party tonight... our transportation to Toronto none other then a big red double decker bus!!! the only down part 2 more parties were getting on at different stops!! one of the parties was 20+ 20yr olds who were already drunk and smoking up on the bus.. anyways lets put it this way we left the hotel in Mississauga at 7:30 and got to Devils Martini at 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and we left C Lounge at 2:30 and got back to the hotel at 4:30, I dropped my cousins wife at home and now I am home at 5:30.. Jody (my cousins wife) and I have Never been so frustrated in our lives!!!!!! alll we wanted to do was go home at 2... ya didnt happen.. *sigh* and I fell on said bus trying to honk the non exsistant horn at the douches while the stopped to eat bagels at Tim Hortons at 4am!!!!!! WTF!!!!!! anyways i'm never going to one of these things again unless there's a nice plush limo that will take us from point A straight back to point B.... i'm pissed i'm going to bed..

Goodnight... or goodmorning????

1:21am: Hole eee Shit
Well I was at Megs house tonight for a chicky night and left early to drive Kat home... if I could do the thing where you copy their LiveJournal name in I would but I dont know how and dont try to teach me... ne whos so I didnt go back to Megs and I didnt want to go home so I drove around Miss. for a bit and then headed home and low and behold my father is still awake so I was like alright whatever i'll go sit with him and watch t.v and we start talking about everything and anything really.. and for the first time in my life.. or since I was really little my dad and I actually talked.. and it wasnt a short conversation oh no it went on for about 3hrs...

( Find out about what here.... )

9:48pm: PIGGY
PIGGY PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! granted one of the pictures is sideways.... just tilt your head lol... He looks a little posessed but thats ok lol and no i wont name him Lucifer lol.

Enjoy!!


P.S I can't get the link to paste so you'll have to cut and paste, it's:

http://www.prioritycolo.com/Carolyn/2006-Jun-29/

P.P.S Doesn't he have an adorable nose!! I love the 2 colours!

4:00pm: Piggy piggy squeek squeek squeek
Well I did it... I bought a piggy... no not an oink oink piggy but a squeek squeek piggy!!!!! I couldn't help it, i fell in love with the little guy last weekend and have been thinking about him ever since.. It helped to know that Myles would look after him until i could make some room for him at my house.... We (Myles and I) went around super pet getting a cage and food and what not... I didnt realize until i got home that it was the XL rabbit cage... I think its the same as yours Meg. The only other ones they had seemed so small to me.. this one is big but at least my little nameless pig will have somewhere big to play. Yes I have no name for him yet... he is an adorable light brown and caramel smooth hair guinea pig and Myles keeps calling him Mocha but that makes me think of the rapper mocha only from that Canadian group or whatever.. soo I thought this morning.. Java? Coco? Sanka??? Sanka is cute but right away i heard in my head... Jamaica we have a bobsled team... and he doesnt look like a sanka... so i'm shit outta luck right now in the name dept... I cant think of ANYTHING and i'm usually pretty good with names, i named all of Myles lizards... I accidentally keep calling him Tinker, the name of my old guinea pig.
Any name suggestions are welcome... for now I think hes gonna be a Mocha. If I knew how to post  picture of him I would.. Man I cant wait till my dad gets home from Florida... I wonder if he'll freak or not...lol!!!

Well that's it for me right now, i'm going to go play wth mocha.

12:25am: Flashback
First off way to go Kat n Chris!!!!! awesome play!!! loved it!!

While I was watching the play tonight it made me remember a quote I memorized when I was like 9, my brother was doing I think it was Macbeth in English and I memorized a quote from it and to this day I still remember it word for word and no one could ever figure out how as I only read it twice.. but it's probably my fave quote or whatever you wanna call it. It goes:

Out out brief candle, life is but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

I dont know when I read it it just makes me feel something... go figure...

Bye for now!!!

2:11pm: Oh Happy Day
oh my life is so sad.. yup sad... it's my day off today and what have I accomplished... NOTHING!! I went to the Dr. something I hardly ever do.. he asked how I was feeling lately cuz I was pretty much diagnosed with depression a few months back but he didnt want to put me on anit depressants becuz I was already over weight as it was.. soooo... he asked me how I was feeling and I basically said like shit SOO he said I should try St. Johns Wort as it helps with mood and its the number one anti depressant in Germany..lol.. I thought that was funny... and he said if i'm not feeling any better by October to come back and he will put me on something stronger so now I wait, I dont know if this is a effect of being "depressed" but I dont want to be happy, I want to sit and wallow in my own pain sad isnt it?  Any ways so after the Dr I went to work Yes to work on my day offf!!!!! I'm so paranoid lately at work and i'm worried if something goes wrong and i'm not there it'll look REALLY bad and i'll get in shit...again for the like 3rd time since March. So after work I was going to go to the gym..I get there get into the change room I go to put my running shoes on and low and behold there aren' t there.. so I sigh to myself and leave... I went to the mall to look at shoes and purses, LOL they always cheer me up but there was no good looking purses or shoes so again I sighed got my St. Johns Wort and went home... hoping my dad wouldnt be home yet so I could lie down for 30mins or so in peace but ohhhhh nooooo he pulled into the drive way just before me... Oh happy daaayyyy..  So now i'm doing laundry cuz if I dont i'm sure he'll find something to yell at me about... **sigh** I wont even touch on my personal/love life right now... things are still just so messed in my head...

I'm contemplating moving out..... lol!!! Ignoring the fact I would have to pay rent and bills I think it would be a good idea lol!!

My day in a nutshell....

9:00pm: So sad still...
I hope you read this like you said you would cuz I miss you... I miss you so so much... I still havent touched my "surprise" I cant bring myself to eat it... I still dont know what i'm doing but I hope I figure it out soon cuz I still see us... part of me still wants us and wants to see those e-mails... as much as it doesnt seem like it this space helps... remember 49 summers out of 50 isnt bad...

I hope you read this...

3:36pm: Circus freaks of Toronto unite!!!!
All I have to say is I am definitely going downtown with Meghan and Carol again!!!! We had an interesting time last night, to mention a few things there was the dude on the unicycle, the 7ft man and the couple going at it in the front seat of their car... it was definitely a fun fun fun time!!! we just need better ass shaking music next time lol.. A flock of seagulls just doesnt do it for me LOL!!!

9:32am: Broken

I dont know what i'm doing with my life yesterday, I just made the break up between myself and Myles (my bf of 2yrs) official last night.. packed up all of my stuff and brought it home...ouch... but why did I want to turn around the whole time and go back to him if this is the right thing to do.. why did I cry the whole way home... why did I beg him to call me once I got home.. This whole situation is just so messed up.. I dont know what i'm doing and i'm too impatient to wait for the pain to go away... If I hadnt met another guy this whole situation would be so much different and I wouldnt be sitting here typing this right now. Now here I am with a broken heart and confusion... I like the other guy so so so so so much but he's not Myles... again, I dont know what i'm doing.. This whole situation has been going on for a month now and somehow I have not developed an ulcer. I'm sick of feeling sick and i'm sick of being physically sick over this... I just wish someone could say.. alright this is what your suppose to do and it IS the right decision... but no one can as much as I hope no one can tell me what to do its my own mess I got myself into this and now I dont know if i'm doing the right thing to get out. Now that its officially over it's just that little bit more real and more painful.. at first something told me this was the right thing to do but now with the way i'm feeling I cant help but think its the worst decision i've ever made... 

... this just really sucks

10:15pm: why

Why... why are you the only person in the entire world who can hurt me like this and with absolutly no effort... why do you always seem to let me down... why do I care about you so much... why do I even care... why can I never just get past this hurt... why does it feel like you never even care UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You better have a fucking good reason....

dont ask.....

2:20pm: Well I just wrote a nice LONG entry hit the backspace button and instead of it taking out a word it went backa page and of course cuz live journal is SOOOOO GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I lose the entire entry... UGH i'll update when I dont feel as pissed.

1:48am:

**Last Christmas I gave you my heart, and the very next day... Ohhhh Hi there Merry Christmas everyone.... you gave it away this year to save me from tears i'll give it to someone special**  That's you Myles ;) Love you!!

 

12:42am:

Hey everyone i'm back, but i'm sure you already knew that........

On to business, I just watched a movie called Love the Hard Way, omg what a great great movie. I dont know maybe it's just me but I thought it was Amazing!!!  Everytime I watch a movie with Adrian Brody I swear I fall in love with him all over again, best affair ever!! lol.. This is the basical plot outline:  The story of a petty thief who meets an innocent young woman and brings her into his world of crime while she teaches him the lessons of enjoying life and being loved. There's something about Adrian Brody that just makes you sit in aw the entire time I dont know what it is, I didnt move for so long that even my teeth hurt!! I guess i'm just a hopeless romantic who always Loves a happy ending, dont let that make you think its a romancy type movie it's nothing like sleepless in seattle!! lmao!!!! maybe you'll just have to check it out and see, but *IF* you dont like it dont blame me different people just have different tastes.

Well that's about all I wanted to say.

Night all!!! or perhaps good morning to some, lol.

P.S man Adrian Brody is the hottest thing since sliced bread!!!!!!

2:12pm:

Bye bye so long farewell bye bye so long farewell.. Seeee youuuuu in Decemeberrrrr. lol.. Ok so I leave early in the morning and sadly i'm not excited.... what's wrong with me?! i'm thinking I wont get excited until i'm on the plane and on my way there. I hope that's it, I feel like shit today too and it's not nerves it feels like I have a huge lump in my tummy and its just sitting there.. not fun at all.

I'm glad Myles is going to drive Meg and I to the airport, that way i'll get to see him just before I leave.. yay me.

Ne whos, I dont feel like writing anything else so... see you in 10ish days..

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

1:59pm: Dirty...

That is what I feel, dirty .. Remember Meghans rant about rude man who was going to cancel for divorce and instead said he has cancer or whatever... well since Meghan isn't here today and her agent is so bloody helpless I got to help her YAY (NOT) flippin woman cant even photocopy... ne ways she asks me to cancel his cruise and start a claim with the insurance company, but dont tell them its divorce say he has cancer she says without batting an eyelash. I was a little torn, for those of you who dont know my mother died 2yrs ago from cancer so this was a little bit of a moral dilemma, I went to 2 of the girls in here and said what the hell do I do. Lidia, dear girl said plead ignorance, say he's ill and your not sure with what just say that all your doing is starting the claim, to which I replied he is ill hes ill in his head. So I told the cruise line and insurance company I believe he is ill not sure with what just send all the information to him. I hope his doctor refuses to write a letter for him, OR (i'm bad) I hope he either A) does get cancer or B) the insurance company realizes what happend and the doctor, for being a dumbass, losses his license and they lose all their money which is like $15000 + I believe. For all we know maybe he does have cancer and has for yrs and he'll just use that an an excuse who knows.. I just really really really really hope the insurance company realizes this is all a lie and denies his claim. That might just make my day!!!

Ugh, that's it for now.. I still feel a little sick over this hopefully by Monday it'll be outta my head, I tend to carry things around for too long and not just let it go.. stupid people.. I really wonder sometimes I really do..................................

4:20pm: So sleepy

*SINGS*

Show me the way to go home, i'm tired and I wanna go to bed.. I had a little drink about an hour ago and it's gone right to my head ( man I wish )......

Well it's 14 more sleeps until I go to Ft. Lauderdale for my cruise probably 13 becuz I doubt I will sleep the night before, especially since our flight leaves at 6:20am!!! Horray! Meghan and I (mostly me i think) are hoping to go to the Sawgrass Mills mall in Ft. Lauderdale. It's part of the Mills properties, so like Vaughn Mills. I'm so excited, I have a feeling I may max out my credit card on this vacation.. lol. The only poopy thing is we fly down on the 24th, which is the American Thanksgiving so things will be closed which isnt tooo bad will give us a day to lounge by the pool or take the shuttle the hotel offers to the beach. I just hope the cruise doesn't fly by as that tends to happen with vacations, you wait and wait and wait and the POOF its over and you're on the flight back to freezing Toronto..lol.. Maybe i'll get "lost" on St. Maarten =).

Well that's about all I have to update, you know I must be bored if I am updating my journal. =) Oh I have a new obsession song of the week, they generally only last a week cuz I replay them over and over and get sick of them..lol, this weeks is Precious by Depeche Mode, such a nice nice song. My brother said it sounds like all there others, maybe that's why I love it so much lol kinda like Coldplay.

Ne ways i'll probably do another countdown before I go so see ya'll then, I'm practicing for when I go to Florida, ya'll come back now ya hear. ; )

10:22pm:

I am so bored ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am so bored and extremly hyper... damn Jelly Belly jelly beans..

I have great news... I haven't fallen down the stairs again.. I conquer them almost every day now... even tho i am still slightly nervous..lol.. sad eh!

I'm super psyched about the cruise Meg and I are going on in November... http://www.princess.com/ships/cb/index.html (ship we'll be on...isnt it sexy) I can't wait... i'm so going to be in the club on the ship like everynight shaking my lil (ok big) butt... and i'm overly excited about the horse back riding on the beach/in the ocean... I wonder how far in the ocean we'll go though... i'm going to look uber sexy with my helmet..lol.

 I've been going to the gym to get my beach figure.. LMAO ok I kno it'll never happen but even if I lost like 10lbs i'd be happy..for now... also I watched these Horrbile shows on TLC on sunday about severly overweight people.. just to give you an idea one woman was about 657(?) or something like that.. and the guy was over 1000lbs.. can you believe it over 1000lbs!!!!! and he was married... i'm sorry but how do you seriously let your loved one get That out of control.. a little.. "hunny you're extremly fat and its not good for you and you look scary" is totally called for but oh no the wife was like.. I love him no matter what *slap slap* wake up chick.. hes bigger then the bed!!! But ne whos I spent like an hour and half at the gym tonight working my ass off.. it was fun.. everytime a fast song came on i'd go faster.. till the asthma kicked in.. but as the shirt I want says "asthma is sexy" so I must of looked extremely sexy at the gym... LOL.. and those bastards... I go to the Goodlife above Loblaws.. I swear to god the vents from the "hot and ready" section purposely vent into the gym!!!! allllllll i could smell was chicken fingers!!!! I was like stick a fork in me i'm done... but horray me I ignored it drank my lemon water ( i'm a princess ) and went on my merry workouting way..lol.

Anywhos that's it for now... more or less... not impressed with work but what the hell else is new.. overly overly overly stressed out.. apparently they think i'm super woman again... *shrugs*

Oh ya.. anyone know how to shrink pics so I can use it on here.. cuz I kno the one I have up right now is SCARY... i'm mildly blurry and scary looking.. any helpers.. and dont just give me directions.. what do I look like... I want someone to do it for me.. lol.

Apparently my word of the day is sexy... ( this ones for you Meg....meh) =) I thank you....

Ta ta for now..........

 

6:27pm: Ouchy
OWWW I fell down a half a flight of stairs this morning, steep concrete stairs... I was feeling ok I had a badly twisted/cut up ankle but other then that I was fine, until a few hours later...lets just say  now I am in so much friggin pain.... my entire back, my hips my right leg, and my left butt cheek...yes my left one!! it hurts the most.... i look like a bad western when I try to walk... its like left foot, shift hip, right foot, shift hip... its bad... I pray!!! I wake up tomrrow morning in better shape but chances are it'll be worse... talk about the week from hell... I hope it doesnt get any worse. Thank god i'm going on vacation this weekend.

10:40pm: Phyl

My sweetheart died on Sunday... to some he may of just been a lizard but to me he was my baby =(.... he was my bf's lizard ( he was a Green Anole) but once I held him he bacame mine all mine...lol.. I fell in love with him right away he would always snuggle up to my finger when he was cold... he was pretty damn old for a little lizard Myles had him for about a year before we met and he was probably a year or more when Myles saved him from the pet store.. so he may of been close to 4, and all our other ones have lived no longer then a year.... so I think thats saying alot... he was quite a character... he hadn't been looking so good lately so I knew this day would come, but I didnt want it to, to top it all off the little bugger had a seizure in my hand... and I started crying thats when Myles took him and said... i'm sorry hunnie hes gone... lets just say it didnt go over well At All. This is going to sound horrible, but generally when one of the lizards die we flush it... otherwise we'd literally have a lizard graveyard.... but I couldnt stand to know that Phyl ( yes I named him Phyl becuz he was always the brightest and I thought chlorophyl but that would be too long so Phyl it was)  was going to be flushed and would go thru sewers or whatever it is that happens, so Myles got a little shovel and we buried him in the front yard... i said a little goodbye and lay him in and carefully and slowly placed the dirt on top of him. So needless to say Sunday was not exactly a happy day...

If I knew how I would show you a picture becuz going to Google Images and looking up Green Anoles wouldnt do Phyl justice, he was unique.... in personality and appearence  One of the other males bit a good chunk of his tail off one time so he had a little stump from where it was growing back, only it wasn't growing back right so he had a sort of hook.... it was adorable... I cant wait to get my tattoo of him

To some he may just of been a lizard, but to me he was my baby....

*Edit* YAY I found a way to show you!

11:02pm: Been awhile.... ive been so stressed out lately... especially at work and at home, and sadly ive been takin a bit of it out on my bf... cottage weekend fell thru, I guess in a way it was my fault, I dunno.... its getting to be that time of year again where I start to get really depressed... always around my birthday probably cuz my mom Always made such a huge deal about my b-day and also my grandma died on my birthday when i was 11(ish) since she lived in Scotland I never got to spend much time with her... so its not my fave time of year..... *sigh* I was so scared I was going to lose my bf today.... he was pretty pissed at me.... we didnt relly even talk about what happened, it was literally a kiss and make up, I told him tho I wanted to talk about it later cuz I dont just want to ignore that this happened, I would love to but its not logical... anyways, thats my rambaling/pathetic excuse for an entry... meh

10:30am: Been Awhile....

but I am still alive... well barely today LMAO all I have to say is.. Holy hangover batman!!!!! and to top it all off... i'm at work lol.. another one of the girls here has a hang over too so once the nausea stops we think we're gonna get some good ol hangover food, i.e Mc D's or Pizza Hut lol!!

Movie premier kicked some serious ass last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of those guys for putting it allll together, the movie was frigging hilarious... a little odd but still it was good and the after party was good too.. no serious fights that I kno about everyone was tooo drunk and too happy.. I!! was TANKED!!!!!!!!! like totally totally Totally gone and loved every single second of it. I havent been that drunk in a very very long time. i'm paying for it now tho..  I dont kno how the hell I drove here this morning, but lets put it this way it was a very very very slow drive lol! every bump made me feel sooo sick.

I got my hair done on Thursday, it looks frigging amazing, I have bangs , somthing I havent had since I was like 13.. and I have a redish brown kind of colour in it and i'm so excited!! i love love love it

lol the votes are in at work its 11am and the 2 drunks (myself and louise) and pregnant diana all want Pizza Hut lmao!!! this is going to be an interesting day.
Ne whos i'm sure i'll feel like updating more later.. so I may be back

*edit* Diana just oredered the pizza..lmao its 11:30am

12:51am: Wow I finally just saw the Phantom of the Opera movie that they came out with last year..... wow.. I think it was really good.. having never seen the actual play when it was around I have nothing to really compare it to... but I think it was awesome.. great voices great music.. which i'm sure everyone knows a song or 2 of.... Ne ways I just wanted to get that out cuz I was pretty blown away by how interesting it was!!

11:26am:

Well I havent up dated in awhile and i'm quite aware of that... I just havent felt like sharing.. lol. I'm sitting at work right now being bored.... E-mail isnt working and we just got power back becuz a car across the street hit a hydro pole and totally knocked it over.. it was just a med sized one, but it knocked out all the power in the office, Meg you would of loved it, 3 fire trucks showed up 2 ambulances and 2 or 3 cop cars... Everyone was like there is no way we are getting power back today.. and i'm like give it an hour or two, sure enuf an hour and a half later powers back on. However the server is down and we cant find out tech guy..surprise surprise... ne ways..

More interesting news I can drive, well not really but the license now says I can..lol... so later i'm going to drive to Hamilton for the first time.. and no not on the highway..yet...baby steps people. I had my first ride with people in the car last night.. Lisa, Meg, Caitlin, Tori and I all went to get see Mr. & Mrs. Smith.. meh.. it was funny but it could of been cut down... and Tori James Meg and I all saw Batman Begins on Wednesday... again not a bad movie... but not great either...o well.. so thats my speedy update for now.. i'm sure theres alot more but my hands are getting tired.

Bye for now

9:45am:

I have legs oh I have legs, for those of you who dont kno this is a pretty big accomplishment...lol.. its the cutest skirt too! ne ways.. I should probably get back to work, this was kind of a "i'm still alive" entry.. i'll update later.

Byes!